Hello,
You can practice being a compassionate person just by watching the Olympics (or any sports, for that matter). Let me teach you how.
Okay so first, personally, I’m ambivalent about the Olympics. On the one hand, the IOC is a corrupt blackhole of tax dollars. On the other hand, Olympians are awesome.
Now, in the past, I was rabidly pro-Canadian, rabidly anti-everyone else (especially Americans. They can “U S A” chant their way into a shoe-destroying deep puddle). But I used to get so upset watching Canadians compete because we’re professional 4th-placers. Nobody can stick landing off the podium like a Canadian. And it’s purely psychological. Canadians don’t want to win, or rather, they can’t get out their head enough to let themselves win. But that’s for another post.
Anyways, now that I've learned how to practice compassion, I’m watching my lovely 4th-place Canadians with such Love, because I can see them as human beings, not just vectors for my country’s medal haul. They’re people. And when they don’t perform well, I imagine myself not doing well. Instead of being upset at them, I feel compassion for them. It’s a way more pleasurable experience.
So here’s how to practice compassion by watching sports:
But First, A Very Brief Introduction on How to Practice Compassion
Very briefly, if you want to practice compassion, you have to put your compassion into an action. This is the same as anything else you’d want to get better at. If you wanted to jump really high over a bar, you’d practice jumping really high over a bar. You wouldn’t just stand there looking at the bar thinking, “I want to jump over that.” You’d try—you’d put your desire into an action.
And it doesn’t matter if you clang your head off the bar—you practiced. And because you practiced, you got a little bit better, or at least a little more knowledgable. And maybe also a headache. Yeah, practicing can be hard.
It’s the same thing with compassion. Which, frankly, most people don’t understand. Most people think acquiring noble qualities like compassion is a process of hoping and wishing and praying and maybe, if enough things fall into place, maybe, you’ll get better.
Wrong! You can just practice. You can just keep banging your head off the compassion bar until you clear it. Then raise the bar.
So if you want to be a compassionate person, meaning, you want compassion to come naturally—compassion is your instinct—then you need to practice when it doesn't come naturally. And you do that by putting your compassion into an action.
I call this stand-up meditation. Stand-up meditation is how you replace unconscious actions (judgement) with conscious actions (compassion). If you want to read more about how to stand-up meditate by practicing compassion, click here.
Now, here are three specific ways to practice compassion just by watching sports:
1. Commiserate with your team
You can practice compassion by supporting your country/team when they don’t win (instead of getting upset). You can do this by trying to feel what they’re feeling. Imagine the years it took to get to that moment. Imagine all the little tiny aspects of their game they’ve worked on. Now imagine you have one moment to show off everything you’ve trained for... and it didn’t go well. You lost. You fell, slipped, missed, got hurt. How would that make you feel? That’s what they’re feeling. So rather than judging that athlete, feel their sense of loss—which you’ve certainly felt before in your own life. And then from that place, say out loud, “I know you did your best,” or something along those lines. By saying this out loud, you’ve put your compassion into a verbal action: words are actions. You didn’t just think it, you said it. You acted. And that's how you practice compassion.
Now, it doesn’t matter that the athlete can’t hear you; what matters is that in this moment where you could have been upset (been judgemental), you overrode that feeling and practiced compassion. This is stand-up meditating.
Ultimately, it’s many, many little practices like this that help you become a more compassionate, Loving person.
I just did this practice myself while watching Canada’s Damian Warner, a decathlete, miss all three of his pole vaults, disqualifying him from medal contention. I was so genuinely bummed for him, and it came naturally, because I’ve been actively practicing compassion for a year now. A lot changes in just a year of practice.
Now, maybe this doesn’t seem so tough during the Olympics, what with the spirit of peaceful competition and all. But imagine your favourite team just lost in the final because your star player missed a gimme. Harder to be compassionate, right? Well, the harder the practice, the better you get when you meet the challenge.
So let’s up the difficulty.
2. Wish your competitors well
During these Olympics, I’m also rooting for the Olympians competing against Canadians.
I was watching the women’s 10m synchro-dive, and the Canadian team was up against the North Koreans. And I noticed my brain’s initial thought was: “I hope they screw up.” I call this a mentation. Mentations are unconscious thoughts. After recognizing that mentation, I stopped and consciously thought: “Yikes, what if these NK’ers do screw up and there are serious consequences when they get back home? Like... consequences.” And so I think, “Shit,” and just before they dived, I said out loud, “I wish you mediocre success!” Because I still wanted the Canadians to medal. But at least I overrode my initial mentation to see someone fail.
Look, compassion doesn’t have to make you into a limp piece of toast. I’d still prefer to see the Canadians beat the North Koreans. But there’s no reason you have to want someone else to fail for your side to succeed, just because that was your mind’s default position. It’s more Loving to wish everyone well, and kick their asses fair and square.
(By the way, the Canadians finished 4th! We’re so good at that!!!)
3. Root for anyone who puts themselves out there
Last practice.
You don’t even need to have an athlete, or a team, in the fight. You can practice compassion by supporting people you’ve never met and have no connection to. When you can do this, it actually feels awesome, because now you’re root for humanity—just because.
So during these Olympics, I've been actively seeking out events with no Canadians (okay, maybe actively is too strong. I’m just not changing the channel right away). In the past, I would have clicked away. I’m sure this is a common experience: “Okay, no one from my team is playing, let’s check another channel.” But if I want to practice compassion while watching TV, then all I need are some humans beings doing some things.
So I’m watching the women’s Canoe Slalom Single Final. I love this sport. It feels very neanderthal. Like, tennis feels like a homo sapien sport. There’s an umpire, and dress codes, and maybe some tea afterwards. But Canoe Slalo—canoeing down rapids as a sport—feels very pre-human. It would be even better if they were chased down by woolly mammoths. Maybe LA 2028.
Anyways, Canoe Slalom is cool. This Australian athlete comes up, Jessica Fox. Never met her. Didn’t know she existed till that moment. But she has this awesome “I’m going to win” look in her eyes, which puts me in her corner. Not as an Australian athlete, not as a Canoe Slalomer (?), but as a human being. Like, I can see this human being believes she’s about to do something dope. And I like watching dope stuff.
And she is dope. She goes down the course perfectly, no penalties (apparently she did get a penalty later, but it was minor), no janky-bits; she just rips. And she goes sub-100s. Nobody else in this final has done that. It’s an incredible accomplishment. And I’m jumping up and down for her because she did it. She said she was gonna do it, she said it with her eyes, and then she did it. So now I’m on team Jessica Fox.
But there’s one final canoer. A Czech athlete, Eva Alina Hocevar. She’s going last because she had the best semi-final time. So she can do some damage here. And immediately, I recognize my brain hoping she doesn’t beat Jessica (another mentation). Brains are so funny. Jessica Fox is from Australia, I’ve never met her, I will never meet her, I will forget about her in two weeks time. But how dare Eva Alina Hocevar dare try to beat my girl!! Brains are bizarre.
So I override that thought by saying out loud, “You got this, Eva. Make this a fight.”
Eva starts down the course, but very early hits a pole, giving her a 2 second penalty. There’s virtually no way she can win. Then, she gets caught in a rapid trying to go upstream. She’s not going to beat Jessica. She’s probably not even going to medal. I’m sure this occurs to her as well (her being the pro). So now it’s a matter of pride. I still want her to give it her all, because she can look back on this Olympics and remember no medals and a mediocre effort, or she can look back on no medals and a gutsy performance.
She does the latter, she guts her way through, and finishes 9th. Very disappointing for her; she was competing for a medal just two minutes ago. Two minutes! Sports are brutal! And she’s crying in her boat, her coach is consoling her. And this thought hits me for the first time ever: the Olympics probably have the highest heartbreak per capita outside of war.
And that thought never would have occurred to me before practicing compassion. See, when I was younger, and solely focused on my country winning medals, I only ever considered the winners—and promptly forgot the losers after cursing them out. But now that I’ve been actively practicing compassion for about a year, I see the full picture. I feel the full picture. I’m gutted for Damien. I’m wishing North Koreans success. I’m jumping up and down for Jessica; I’m feeling sad in boat with Eva Alina. I’m getting the full, human experience just by watching TV.
That’s the power of sport. But that's only half the equation. Because it’s not just sport, because I could have turned sport into a way to vent my rage. I've done that plenty of times. Rather, that’s the power of sport while practicing compassion.
Wrap-up
So those are three ways to practice compassion while watching sports. Put your compassion into a verbal action by:
1. Commiserating with your team
2. Wishing your competitors well
3. Rooting for anyone who puts themselves out there
Now that I’m reading that back, that looks like the definition of sportsmanship. Huh, sportsmanship is compassion. And compassion is Love.
I wish you and your country much success. Even you, “U S A”. Even you...
Good Love,
Alexander De Jordy
Become Love Coach
Founder, The Become Love Company
P.S. If you'd like more suggestions on how to practice compassion in your everyday life, click here, and read my book, The Practical Guide to Becoming Love.